Today I'm trapped in a flummoxed position.
First, I tripped at my ballet practice and tore my favorite shoes.
Two, the bouquet of roses I got from Dad dried because I forgot to put it in the vase.
And third, Niko Volkov saw me half naked.
.
Fabulous.
This day couldn't get any worse.
.
I quickly wore the pink silks when Niko rushed downstairs. The embarrassment I just felt was bigger than when I tripped down on the ballet stage in front of more than fifty people. It was more shameful than embarrassing.
Five years. I have not seen him for five years, and the day I see him, I embarrass myself to the fullest. He saw my breasts. Oh my god. A boy saw my breasts. Not just any boy, but Niko Volkov.
I was expecting to see him today. I know I'd be meeting him after five years, but not like this. Not at all. This is not how we are supposed to see each other. I thought we would have this proper meeting where he'd offer me a handshake, a greeting, and a kiss on my cheek, but—
Everything went wrong. I was already feeling awkward and nervous and anxious to see him after a long five years, but now, I feel terrible. What is wrong with my day today?
.
"Are you ready, little princess?" Dad knocked on the door and stood outside for my response. He never enters in without my saying so. He knocks, he asks for my permission, and waits until I tell him to enter. Dad is not someone who enters and runs on people changing their clothes.
"Come in, Dada. I'm ready." I permitted him, walking to the dressing table with the covered mirror. All of my jewelry and accessories were kept on the dressing table. Lipstick, blush, hairpins, botches, rings, and everything else are here except for the mirror. It is covered with a huge white silk cloth.
Why? Because mirrors terrify me.
"You look beautiful as always, little princess." Dad pecked on my hair, smiling with satisfaction and hugging me from behind as his gentle hands brushed on my arms. His mountain-like body always assures me of security. Rather, his presence is my safety.
"What flowers did you bring today?" I turned and looked at him with a warm smile. He was holding one of his hands back, and those grey eyes blinked at me with amusement. Dad and his habit of bringing me flowers.
"Pink Roses." Dad held three pink roses in front of me, and I beamed with a smile. A genuine smile. A smile that only Dad can draw out of me. With him, relying doesn't feel wrong. Dependency doesn't feel burdensome, and softness doesn't feel weak.
Dad brings me flowers every day. Every day at any cost. It's his way of showing me love, care, and affection. He plucks the flowers all by himself every day when Mom and Dad take their morning walk into the castle garden and brings them to me before I can even wake up.
It is impossible to ever describe how much I love Dad for everything he has given me and is giving me. Rather, Mom and Dad's presence itself is a blessing to me. I'm thankful for being their child because both of them love me as much as the universe has the stars. There will be no one who'd love me like Mom and Dad love me. No one.
.
"Here, let me put the rose in your hair." Dad slowly reached his hand to my hair, tucking and caressing it gently.
I never let anyone touch my hair except Mom and Dad. Not because I'm insecure but because I simply can't. My hair holds memories, bad memories to be exact. Memories not everyone knew about. Memories that only Niko knows about.
"Careful with the thorn, Dada. It might prick you." I looked at the pink rose Dad was holding, and a wide smile appeared on his face.
"Thorns would not even be the last thing to come near you, little princess. I'd cut down every flower of that species if any of it hurt you even once." Dad tucked the thornless rose in my hair and watched me with his gunmetal eyes. His eyes always have love inside them when he looks at me and Mom.
"How do I look?" I asked, flaring my baby pink dress made of furry fabric. A flare that lengthened to my knees and balloon sleeves fell on my shoulder. Hair was half on my shoulder, half in the bun, and the rose tucked by Dad rested near my ear. I don't know how I look. I'm too nervous to see my reflection in the mirror.
"Beautiful. Delicate. Magical." Dad said before I could overthink anything in my head. His thumb brushed on my cheek as he adorned my face with another satisfactory smile. "Just like your mom."
Since I don't look into the mirror, it has become Dad's daily job to explain to me how I look before I go anywhere. And I trust him. I trust him when he says I'm the most beautiful girl he has ever seen after Mom. Though I know he exaggerates it sometimes by saying, 'I look like the angel heaven gifted him.'.
"You're spoiling me with those compliments, Dada." I hugged Dad and he leaned closer to my face to get a kiss from me on his cheek. He is always happy when Mom and I kiss him on the cheek.
"Those aren't just compliments, little princess." Dad said as I placed a kiss on his cheek, and he beamed with happiness. His eyes filled with pride as I kissed him on his other cheek. "I truly am proud of you."
.
At least Mom and Dad are truly proud of me.
They don't see me as a princess who already has everything.
They see me as their daughter and not the princess of the country.
They see me as a person and not as an asset.
.
"Dada?" I swallowed. I don't know why I called him. I don't know what I wanted to ask him, but-
"Yes, little princess?" He leaned closer to my face to listen to me since his height looks like a tall mountain in front of a little flower.
"Why are you proud of me?" Words slipped down, but I didn't let my face fall into worry. The stress on my toes, strain in my thighs, and stretch on my arms came together to ache my heart. As a ballerina, I'm trained for the physical stress, but what about mental ones? I was never trained for it, was I?
.
You're not meant for ballet.
You're a princess. Princesses don't dance.
Your body is meant to sit on the throne and not for the stress of ballet poses.
Run the country and not your feet.
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"Did anything happen, Camilla?" Dad held my shoulder as soon as I asked a question. I know I held my worry back, but it is impossible for me to stop Dad from reading my face. His gunmetal eyes always caught the stress lines on my forehead.
But,
I have learned to fake smiles. I have learned to pretend that everything is right. I have learned to hide things that might worry my parents to the extreme, and I have learned to accept the fact that some things are better when they're hidden.
.
Sometimes,
I want to tell Mom and Dad everything that happened to me or is happening to me. I want to tell Mom and Dad that your little princess had made a mistake she could never solve. I want to tell them to save me, but how can I?
I'm too afraid to expose things that might hurt their reputation. I'm too afraid to break Dad's heart. I'm too afraid to cost Mom shame. Mom and Dad will blame themselves if they ever find out. Mom and Dad will break into pieces if they ever know what happened to me five years ago.
But,
I need to fight my own battles. I need to accept and embrace my fate. I don't want Mom and Dad to break up because of me. I will never forgive myself if they do. As a princess, I bear a responsibility for royalty's reputation. I feel I should face any punishment to save it, even though I'm innocent.
.
"Can anything happen to me when you're around?" I changed the tense subject with a big, bright smile on my face, vanishing every thought that made me want to feel weak. I am no child anymore; I am a year away from being able to find myself a suitor. I already have a suitor.
"Not even in any life, little princess." He answered with another peck on my hair, and I wrapped my arms around his rock-like torso. "I will always protect you."
"Shall we go downstairs now? Because you cannot protect me from Mom if we're late." I said, and Dad chuckled as he agreed that he can win against the world but not Mom. It's that simple.
.
We left my room as Dad led me to the living room. The noises crashed on my ears when Dad and I climbed down the stairs, and here they are. Uncle Christian, Aunt Stella, Aunt Ava, and Uncle Alex. And wait... here she is! My coolest sister!
"Cami!" Dahlia ran towards me as soon as her eyes fell on me. She didn't wait for me to even climb down the stairs and hugged me tight with a big smile on her face. Her excited hug nearly made us fall on the floor, but Dad held us both until Dahlia was done with the hug. I love her. I love her with my whole heart.
"Lia." I smiled, finally breaking our hug. We're also meeting after a long time. She came to meet me at the London three years ago, but it was also a long time. And I have to say, she only gets prettier and more stunning year by year. Curly black hair, big whisky eyes, and beautiful brown skin. She's as pretty as Aunt Stella.
"Fuck, you're even prettier now, Cam! You look like a freaking Barbie!" Dahlia and her bold and reckless mouth. Her praises are always something to brag about. "Oh my, I think I just had a crush on you!"
"Says the other Barbie." I returned the compliment, trying to match her energy, but it's almost impossible. Matching Dahlia's energy is a task not everyone can do. Only a few of us have ever succeeded.
"I'm no Barbie," She winked; her lazy trousers and tank top fit her athletic body so well that it hurt to look at it. "I'm Annabelle!" She took her father's and mother's genes perfectly. Aunt Stella's hair, skin tone, and prettiness, and Uncle Christian's eyes, height, and boldness. She couldn't be more perfect.
"You're still alive, Larsen?" Uncle Christian nodded at Dad while relaxing on the couch. I couldn't expect less than this greeting from Uncle Christian.
"He meant 'Hi,' Uncle Rhys." Dahlia translated Uncle Christian's greeting into proper words. "Right, Dad? Now say it nicely." Dahlia's eyes settled on her dad as a sweet warning.
"Right," Uncle Christian obeyed without a second. His eyes rolled for a second as they spoke only one thing. 'This girl will be the death of me.' " Hi, Larsen." She is the only woman after Aunt Stella who can make Uncle Christian obey.
"Mr. I kneel before no one, loves eating his own words." Dad's lazy smile and soft pat on Uncle Christian's shoulder made Mom and Aunt Stella laugh.
"Dad talks about you a lot, Uncle Rhys. He is really fond of you." Dahlia revealed it, and Dad's jaw dropped. His jaw dropped on the floor as he couldn't believe what Dahlia said. He'd believe Uncle Josh saying 'I'm ugly' but not Uncle Christian saying 'I'm fond of you.'
"Lia! I told you not to bring that subject up." Uncle Christian almost covered his face with embarrassment. "I swear, you're going to be the death of me one day."
"You're not leaving us anywhere, Dad. Imagine Mom missing you and crying alone in our penthouse. Would that image please you?" Dahlia just gave Uncle Christian a depression, and he has already gotten up from his place to hold Aunt Stella in his arms. "Think twice before dying."
Dahlia is the only person on the planet who could give Uncle Christian emotional trauma and make him shut up on the spot without getting the death stare back. Aunt Stella too, of course.
While we chat in our living room, the person who has been missing from sight has returned with huge luggage in his hands. An aura of the sun surrounded his head; the brightness of his wide smile nearly made me believe that he was the sun.
Black hairs. Bluish green eyes. Charming aura.
Who else looks like the walking Disney prince?
Niko Volkov.
.
He used to look adorable. The baby face he had changed into sharper features. Uplift cheeks, sharp jaw, broad shoulders, and athlete's muscles. He got taller, nearly as tall as my dad, and manly. Handsome, to be exact.
Old-world blue eyes, which is one of the rarest colors for eyes. The edges are perfect blue while the middle is all green, like the surface of the clear ocean. Uncle Alex must have passed the green eyes, but the blue in Niko's eyes looks like a God's gift.
Coal-black hair, smooth skin, a medium nose, and those half-Asian eyes. Lips as pink as rose petals and a face as shiny as the sun.
He's all grown up now. He was always grown up. Too mature for his age. Even with his goofy nature, he is way more mature than most of the people I know. Because Niko knows where to be fun and where to be mature.
.
"Here comes 'The Chen' family." Niko's wide and sunshiny smile made Mom and Aunts stand and run towards the door. Now the castle walls were filled with laughs and fun. We almost flinched when all four of them screamed by looking at each other. Aunt Stella was not as loud as the other three, but she sure shed a tear.
"We're finally complete!" Mom and Aunts have engulfed into the circle hug and have already started dancing and shouting and screaming the word 'Oh my god' in a row. "We missed you, Jules. We're incomplete without you."
The laughs and happy cries of moms made all of our dads stand up and watch their women with adoring eyes. While they greeted each other, my eyes glimpsed at Niko for no reason. Maybe I was just trying to remember how he looked last time when I saw him.
.
Tiny eyes, pink lips, and a heart-aching face. He must be famous with girls for his looks now. He was always the center of the attraction anyway. His charming and happy vibes allure everyone. He is more like Uncle Josh than Uncle Alex. Anyone who meets Niko will think he is Uncle Josh's son and not Uncle Alex's.
"Thought you'd never be able to pick up the loads, Niko." Dalia wrapped her arms around Niko's shoulder as she teased him while he was holding the luggage. Niko put the luggage on the floor and kissed Dahlia's head hard while she returned his favor with a bite on his cheek. Classic Lia and her cheek bites.
Niko and Lia are the closest friends. They have this group of four friends who do crazy stuff without being sorry. Niko, Dahlia, Taehyung, and Sylvia. That group is full of goofiness, trouble, enthusiasm, and sassiness.
"I can even pick up your dad and..." Niko said, and Dahlia strangled her hands around Niko's head in a way that Niko is choked.
"Finish that sentence and you'll meet your death." Dahlia's message was clear: 'Talk bad about my dad and die.'
"Harpers are devils!" Niko pretended to be under Lia's pressure. "Let go of my neck, Lia, or you'll truly choke me to death."
"That's the plan, Goofy." Lia continued choking him before Jeremy and Sofia entered the castle with the remaining luggage. Well, Jeremy and Uncle Josh were the only ones holding luggage because Sofia walked in with nothing but her no-expression face, cat eyes, and cold aura.
While Lia ran to meet Uncle Josh and Sofia, those old-world-blue eyes met mine. Those beautiful half-Asian eyes. Blinking with amusement, playfulness, and a tease.
Oh. A tiny smile appeared on Niko's face as he took a step forward to me.
.
What? Why is he coming to me?
Is he going to tease me for what happened in my room?
Is he going to-
.
"Couldn't have the appropriate greeting earlier," Niko stood right in front of me. His height nearly made me look up in the sky to meet those eyes. His voice has also changed. Five years ago, it was soft and sweet, and now it's huskier and deep. "It's been long, friend." Friend?
"Yes." I nod. The shyness and embarrassment were still lingering in my head. The inappropriate meeting we had earlier is making me scream inside.
"I am sorry about earlier," Niko bends his head down, swallowing. "I didn't know you were changing..." My heart skipped its beat as another wave of embarrassment traveled through my body.
"Let's not talk about it, can we?" I cut his sentence as a rush of emotions made me foolishly awkward. I've never been naked in front of anyone before, and the first boy to ever see me had to be Niko! Great!
"Of course!" Niko nodded, rolling his tongue inside his mouth. The raised brows softened and formed a V shape as the awkwardness lingered between us.
"Vanish those memories from your head." That wasn't needed, Camilla! What are you doing?!
"I wasn't going to keep that in my mind anyway." He said firmly. The pulse in his jaw ticked, and scrunched brows showed an offense. The feeling of awkwardness knocked on my heart even more.
We were close friends five years ago. Why are we awkward now?
"Good." I accidentally said that out loud, and his expressions changed. His expressions changed into something like a tease. A smile appeared on his face; his eyes became tiny as the smile grew wider.
"Good for me?" He scoffed as I sunk my teeth into my lower lip. "Is that a warning?" No, it wasn't a warning. I was just saying—
"What if?" Stop talking, Camilla.
"Right." Niko scoffed. "Vanishing that memory would be good for me since keeping it in my head might cost me death." He bent down his head to bow but kept his stare on me. He held the bow as if he were asking for my permission to let him stand straight.
"Yes. You might get beheaded for seeing the breasts of Princess Camilla Von Asherberg..." Wait, what did I say?! I did not just say that! What happened to my proper language?! Oh my. Whenever this boy is around me, I have no track of what I do!
The husky breath escaped through his mouth, and his big eyes almost turned into a line when he laughed. The perfect set of teeth and little moles on his face have no right to take my attention.
"Getting beheaded is not my concern, Camilla..." My name sounds different from his mouth. It feels like it never had a meaning before Niko said it. "Not seeing the breasts as beautiful as them ever again is."
What? Did he just—
"Stop talking about my..." I stumbled on the air as I realized I was going to say breasts once again.
"Your?" Niko crooked his eyes as a smirk widened on his pink lips. His eyes show playfulness. He was always this flirty. Even when we were friends back then.
"Stop!" I scrunched my brows in annoyance as the genes of Dad took over my head. Anger and Grumpiness!
"Are you looking for the synonyms of breasts?" Niko laughed, and I slammed my palm on his lips to shut him up from saying breasts again and again. I couldn't hold myself back from cracking into a small chuckle and feeling my heart all warm up again.
Right. Niko could never fail to make me laugh. Never.
It's always him who makes me laugh with these unexpected talks.
He is just irresistible.
.
"It's good to meet you, Camilla." Niko patted my back as he greeted me for real, this time with a casual and not a formal smile. And with a sentence that doesn't have breasts in it. "I missed you, Camilla. I truly did."
His hand slowly reached for my hair, and I widened my eyes at his movement. Is he going to touch my hair? He can't. He shouldn't. I can't bear it if he touches my hair.
Niko's fingers slowly touched the falling rose in my hair, and he tucked it back in place. His index and middle fingers gently slid down through my blonde strands, and he leaned closer to my face with an amused stare.
.
Thud. Thud. Thud.
What is he doing?
.
In a slow movement, Niko held my hair strands in front of his nose and smelled it.
He is touching my hair. He is smelling my hair. And I... and I am not afraid?
.
"You still scent like roses." Niko brushed his thumb on my cheek for the tiniest second and pulled back. He pulled back and walked away to sprinkle his sunshine on someone else.
And me? I took a deep breath to understand what just happened.
.
He touched my hair.
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