What in the world was I thinking?
Fooling around with Camilla Von Ascherberg is an open invitation to death.
Uncle Rhys will, pardon me, have her dad slice me into two pieces and feed them to the vultures.
Not just her dad but her entire country will burn me and spread my ashes in the air.
She is the fucking princess.
.
I know Uncle Rhys. There are only two people in the world that he cares about. First Aunt Bridget and second Camilla. If anything or anyone hurts them, he wouldn't think twice to extinguish that cause on the spot. I don't want to be the cause.
Rhys Larsen is no joke. He is a literal devil when it comes to the safety of his girls. And I should not fool around with the daughter of the devil. I should use my flirting skills on everyone but Camilla. Not even in my dreams.
.
Also, Camilla is not made for flirting or flings or fooling around. Camilla isn't like girls I know.
The girls I know are pretty bold and greedy about what they want from their lives. They're desperate and seeking nothing but casual relationships.
But not Camilla.
She isn't bold or reckless but soft and selfless. She is the kind of person who'd give her everything to the person in need. She thinks a lot about people's feelings, their wants, and their lives. And I should not fool around with her since I might hurt her feelings with my words or actions. She couldn't take jokes very well.
I've known her since birth; she was my best friend, but I still couldn't understand who she is or what she is. She is responsible and mature like Aunt Bridget, but also the hint of anger always stands on her nose to reflect Uncle Rhys's genes.
Hm.
.
I've never been able to solve the mystery named Camilla Von Ascherberg.
And God, how I hate when things are not solved.
.
I walked in the garden where Dad was sitting with Uncle Josh and Uncle Christian. Uncle Josh was bickering about the same subject of how he is the only best friend of my dad and how Uncle Christian is being a third wheel between them. Classic argument.
Sofia and Mom were standing by the pool where Aunt Jules explained to Jeremy about why she loves Sofia more than him. It was pure sarcasm, though.
We all know Aunt Jules will throw herself in fire but love Jeremy less.
I heard from Mom that when Jeremy was born, Aunt Jules cried for three hours straight, saying how beautiful her little boy is. She even told about Jeremy's beauty to every single patient that existed in the hospital that day. Uncle Josh brags that Jerry is only beautiful because he delivered him.
Red hair, freckles, and the face of another god. He looks more like Aunt Jules but has every facial feature of Uncle Josh. Tiny green eyes, a straight nose, and a structured face. He is fond of sculpting, but he himself is a living sculpture.
.
"Hi, Sofi-dopey, remember me?" I taunted even when I knew how much Sofia hated taunts and jokes. Her black and cat-like eyes flickered with offense.
Cold expressions, barely seen smiles, but walking beauty. She is literally mini Dad.
"Niko. What have we decided?" Mom held back her angry tone and hid it with a sunshiny smile. She is always concerned about me and Sofia. She wants us to be like Uncle Josh and her. Free and sharing.
But as I said, Sofia is not fond of sharing, and that made it harder for me to understand her.
No doubt I love my sister to death, and I'd do anything to make her smile. But as I can confess my love to Mom and Dad, I couldn't confess it to Sofia.
I do confess my love to her often, but she doesn't confess back. I'm dying to hear 'I love you' from Sofia.
I'd throw myself into hell if it meant Sofia would confess her love to me.
.
I'd do anything to break that wall, Sofia.
I want you to be open with me.
I want you to be my friend so I can help you with whatever you're feeling.
..................................................................................................................
"What makes you think we'd agree on your foolishly stupid idea of fun?" Sofia crooked her brows after I explained how we should have fun around the castle instead of sitting in with smartphones in our hands.
"And what makes you think I'd give up on that foolishly stupid idea of fun?" I answered back to Sofia, and she rolled her eyes.
"Yeah. We definitely should not give up." Dahlia stood up from the chair, and her excitement is my motivation to do these things. "Let's do something stupid."
"And make your dad clean the mess?" Sofia flicked her brow at Dahlia, but she didn't care. Uncle Christian is always ready to clean the mess we make.
"Dad wouldn't mind cleaning even if I kill a person, but let's not do a murder." Dahlia and her extraordinary way of thinking.
"Well, doing a murder is still better than wearing white sheets on your head and scaring people around the castle." Sofia says as she stood up from the chair and got ready to walk away. Her black tee slipped down on her back when she stood up, and Jerry pulled it down.
"Not a bad idea, but I have something else in my mind." I don't mind wearing white sheets on the head and scaring away people; it sounds fun, but as I said, I already have something planned.
"And what would that be, Nik?" Sofia and her warning tone make her think I'll listen to her. "Don't tell me you want us to dance, because, no, I won't be doing such things." Well, sometimes all she needs to do is give me a death stare, and I shut up, but not tonight; I want to make the night count.
"We're going to an amusement park." I also stood up from the chair and grabbed Sofia's wrist before she could run away.
Sofia is not fond of fun, but I always force her to do so. It's my responsibility as a big brother. Get her annoyed and angry. I like it when she throws things at me. It's her way of showing affection, and I love it.
"Oh! I saw it on our way here!" Dahlia slammed her fist on the table and was already ready to jump into the car so we could get there in no time. "Let's go. Let's go. Let's go." My crime partner, Dahlia fucking Harper.
"It's not safe, Nik." Jerry said as Sofia struggled to escape my arms and looked at Jerry for help, but I wrapped my arms around her and kept her in the circle. "We shouldn't be going alone to such a place. Also, Dad, none of our dads would allow this."
"Where is that amusement park anyway?" Sofia cocked her brow, finally succeeding in elbowing me in the stomach and escaping my arms.
"Cam must know about it." Dahlia looked at Camilla, who was sitting quietly on the chair since we started to talk. All silent. All delicate. Her big grey eyes resemble Uncle Rhys, but her innocent face resembles Aunt Bridget when she blinks.
"I, I wouldn't know." She swallowed as her head nodded negatively. Her delicate, petal-like fingers squeezed onto her pink, fairy dress, and her lower lip got bitten by her teeth. Her habit of biting lips hasn't gone yet, I see.
"What do you mean you wouldn't now?" Lia waited for her answer, and so did I. Camilla glanced at me, all confused, all nervous. As if she doesn't know what to answer or she never knew the answer.
"I've never been to that amusement park." She answered. She answered, and Dahlia's jaw dropped. Not just Dahlia but also Jeremy, who barely shows any expression, has widened his eyes with surprise.
"You've never been to the amusement park that is within walking distance from your house?" Dahlia sounded dumbfounded. Her whiskey eyes settled on Camilla, and so do ours.
"Yes..." Camilla said as her eyes glimpsed at me again. I was quiet, but so many questions popped up in my head, and answers to them as well. "I never got the chance."
.
I know her. I know how much she tried to be the mannerly girl she is today. I know how many fun activities she skipped just to learn these etiquettes. I know how many NOs she said to fit into this royalty.
I thought it was because of her dedication towards becoming the princess. She always wanted to be the princess her country would be proud of. But I didn't think she would give up everything for that.
Uncle Rhys and Aunt Bridget would never ever restrict her from doing anything she likes. Rather, they'd walk into flames before denying anything Camilla demanded, but she never demanded anything from them. Never have I known.
.
"Chances are meant to be taken and not gotten." I said, walking towards her chair while she kept squeezing her palms on her pink clothes. "If you keep waiting for the chance, you'll lose your time." I reached my hand to her hair and tucked it once. "You have your chance. Now."
"Chance?" Camilla glared into my eyes. Her gunmetal eyes are full of storms and grey clouds. Her baby pink lips parted to breathe air, and she stared into my eyes with a swallow.
"I am your chance, Camilla." I offered her my hand with a smile. "Take it."
"I don't know if I should..." She swallowed and bit her lips again. I know princesses are not supposed to fool around or act so recklessly, but that doesn't mean they should stop living. They're allowed to live the life they want. Aunt Bridget herself is the perfect example of a free queen.
"I'll take your responsibility, Camilla. You can trust me. I affirmed confidently. "I'd not let anything happen to you or anyone here." As the oldest, I know my responsibilities better. I'm eighteen, or rather, two months away from being nineteen.
And for words, I meant every single one of them.
Even back then, I meant everything I said.
.
I can totally understand Camilla's hesitation towards dancing and singing and enjoying. The secrets between Camilla and me are the reason for who she is today. That wasn't just a memory but an experience. A bad experience. The reason I am possessive towards her is because I know what she had faced and what it made her be.
.
It's been five years for that, but everything is the same for me.
I can't ever forget that.
I still feel guilty about not knowing it earlier. I still feel guilty of not being able to snatch those memories away from her, and I still feel guilty of not being strong enough to kill a person, but
.
But,
I wouldn't know until you tell me of 'you,' Camilla.
I wouldn't know if you're doing okay until you tell me so.
I hope our friendship hasn't changed in these five years.
.
"Okay." She nods as her softer-than-cotton palm slides into mine. Those grey eyes blinked with trust and warmth as they ran down on my stomach.
"That's my girl!" I praised her, patting her back, trying to be an old friend again. Friendly, clingy, and fun. Just the way she liked.
"But we have to convince our parents." She stood up from the chair, and I tangled my fingers with hers with a big, bright smile. She needs to be comforted so that she can open up.
"Consider it done." Dahlia is my hero. "No one dares to deny me, do they?" Right. No one in our family can deny Dahlia. She knows it very well and also uses it very well. No wonder she is a Harper. She knows everyone's weaknesses and uses them against them perfectly.
.
.
Well, it did take half an hour to crack a deal between our parents to let us go to an amusement park alone. They agreed on one condition, and that is we'll be bringing Uncle Christian's car since he always has a tracker and a gun in his car, and he also will be tracking the phone of every one of us.
He was insisting on coming with us, but Dahlia somehow managed to convince him not to. I don't know what she whispered in his ears, but he became quite right after that.
On the other hand,
Uncle Rhys almost called royal bodyguards to keep us safe, but Aunt Bridget shut him up with wide eyes and a warning smile. I thought Uncle Christian and Uncle Rhys would be the only problem, but since we're taking Sofia with us...
Uncle Josh had a problem bigger than this castle.
He tried to manipulate Uncle Rhys and Uncle Christian not to let us go on our own. He even scared them with, 'What if they get kidnapped?' 'What if our girls get lost?' and even with 'What if an earthquake comes and they don't find a place to hide?'
But thanks to Aunt Jules, she smacked Uncle Josh's head by saying 'Shut the fuck up,' and it worked. It always works. Aunt Jules is the only person who can handle Uncle Josh. Argue with the wall if you disagree.
And for Dad, he just gave me a look that says, 'Let anything happen to anyone; you're no longer living in my house. Just kidding, he trusts me with a blind eye! He knows I'm big enough to take care of everyone.
.
Well, that's true.
I'm not five or eight or ten. I'm the oldest and, of course, responsible enough to protect everyone. I know how to do kendo; I'm a black belt in karate and made it to the third stage of martial arts. I have a body of an athlete, to be exact. Thanks to martial arts!
Okay. I'll stop praising myself, or else Dahlia will start telling her achievements, and it'd be morning by the time she finishes it.
.
We sit inside Uncle Christian's car since it has inbuilt trackers and a gun.
Yes,
Uncle Christian always has a gun inside his car, and Dahlia and I know perfectly how to use it. Thanks to Uncle Christian, he taught us how to shoot a gun and how to be prepared for everything.
We were just going to an amusement park, but it feels like we're heading for a war, and our mothers will collapse of sorrows, and dads will call an army if we don't return by 11pm.
Too much for being a kid of this twisted family.
.
Dahlia took the driving seat while Sofia sat beside her. I was supposed to drive, but I can't refuse Dahlia when she says she wants to do something.
I opened the door for Camilla, and she entered in. I tucked her dress inside the car and sat beside her.
Jeremy was the last one to sit in after he told Dahlia and Sofia to wear the seatbelts, made sure they wore them properly, and explained the speed limits to Dahlia.
.
"Are you comfortable, Camilla?" Jeremy asked as he climbed in the car from the other side of Camilla. Camilla was sitting between our tall bodies and looked like a flower between two mountains.
"I am Jerry." Camilla said while scooting towards me, and our hands brushed. Her soft and warm skin touched my wrist for the slightest second before she took away her hand hesitatingly.
I don't know why she is so nervous around me. Why now?
We used to hold hands and hug each other all the time when we were friends, but
.
Camilla scooted towards Jeremy when he closed the door and placed her palm on his knees without any hesitation. Jeremy slowly tangled his fingers with hers, and she didn't even look awkward.
Does she have a problem with me?!
She talks or touches Jeremy all normally but gets all nervous and hesitant when it comes to me.
Why?!
Did I do something?!
.
Jeremy and Camilla vibe well because of their quiet nature, but it doesn't mean Camilla should not be talking to me.
Why can't she talk to me normally?!
.
"How was your London life, Camilla?" I broke the silence between me and Camilla since she totally forgot that I also exist in this car.
"Good." She answered. Or should I say, she barely answered. Good? That's it? Doesn't she have anything to tell? Why doesn't she talk to me like she used to do before?
"It's a big description of how you spent your life in London." I said as my eyes set on her blinking grey eyes. A small smile appeared on her lips. So small that it was barely seen.
"London is a beautiful place." She answered and looked willing to talk. "But it doesn't feel like home."
"You didn't like being in London?" I asked curiously.
"I did." She nodded negatively and then positively. The nervousness on her face is visible when she bites her lower lip. "I made new friends and all... but... but London isn't..." She stopped.
"London isn't?" I leaned closer with curiosity. The scent of roses always covers the air around her, making her look like a waking rose herself.
"What about you?" A long sigh left her mouth, and she abandoned the subject we were talking about. She just cut my sentence and replaced it with some other question. "What are your plans now?"
Seriously?
"I'll be gone to Japan in three months." I said it casually since I had no right to doubt what she was saying a second ago.
"Great. I assume you actually got into your desired architecture college, didn't you?" Camilla's eyes brightened up with a genuine smile.
So she does remember the things we shared before.
"Yes. I always get what I want." I huffed. Without a smile. For some reason, I didn't feel like smiling.
For some reason,
Camilla didn't feel like herself.
Maybe because we're grownups now. Or maybe because we're not the kids we used to be. Or maybe five years have changed a lot between us. Or maybe because we are not friends anymore.
.
Maybe.
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